The tell-tale signs of the scream of the butterfly

            This is going to be a short one today. I’ve battled rage all of my life. Little things would set me off. When my temper was set off, then watch out. Most of the men in my family are that way. We all cool off over time eventually, but when we’re young we’re almost uncontrollable.

            I can remember one time in particular when I’d lost my temper. My now good friend Nate Hargis had said something, I don’t remember what exactly, I think I thought he said chink, but I really doubt that now. At any rate, I lost it and flew at him in a blood curdling rage. My brother, who was used to these and consequently twice my size did his patented “pin my older brother to the ground”. It was a very effective pin. On this day, an additional friend (Jason Hall I believe) assisted because I was becoming very good at bucking Brandon off of me.

            My mother had to call my Uncle Jr. because I’d been in this rage for over an hour and I wasn’t calming down. My uncle was the only adult in the family strong enough to control me. It was ridiculous reader. I was a big kid at 15 and I played football, so I had a little muscle.

            When my uncle finally made it over he looked at me and laughed. He told Brandon to let me up and if I started acting crazy to let him handle it. So he let me up and I started crying. I blubbered like a baby, because I had been beat. That was the key to my rage; I had to be constantly fighting in order to keep it going. Once they quit, I was beat.

            My friend and I occasionally laugh about this story, or about the time I “accidently” cut him. Yeah, he’s still got a scar on his hand. I’m telling you this story today though for a reason. I feel that anger coming back. It scares me. I have red dots on my arms and legs and all over my body from when I would lose my temper and fly into a rage. They’re broken blood vessels or blood trapped in the skin. I don’t want to be that kid ever again. Rage, while it can serve its purpose, is not something I want to participate in any more. To much of my life has been spent fighting someone or something.

I want to be at peace