I've seen this one before ...

As I’ve stated before I grew up very poor. No heat in the winters some times, dirt poor. The part of Columbus I grew up in wasn’t as bad as the bad parts of Columbus are now by any means. You could leave your front door unlocked and walk the streets at night. It was our small town of Columbus.

One night in particular, I don’t remember how old I was, pre-teen I think; I had to go to a basketball game. It was at the boys and girls club, which was a 15-20 minute walk from my house. I was able to play for free because I was so poor. That’s right, the boys and girls club was like “dang, you pow boy!” Anyway, this night we had to walk. Our car was broke down or we didn’t have one. I don’t remember which. It was so cold. It was when we still had proper cold winters in Indiana.

I remember my moms coat, she walked with me of course; it was this thin grey and white wool coat done up in the proper 80’s style with shoulder pads and all. It reminds me of the coat Judd Nelson wore in the Breakfast Club. It was that amazing. This was the 90’s though so it was only cool in an Industrial kind of way.

It’s funny that I remember my Mom’s coat, but I can’t remember if I had a coat on, my basketball jersey on or if I had a brown paper bag for shoes. I remember it was dark and cold though, like freeze the snot in your nose cold. I remember not thinking anything of it either. No big deal, I’m freezing my balls off and we’re so poor we don’t have a car; my Mom walks to work and shit. No big deal! IT’S TIME FOR BASKEBALL! I was terrible too; bless my little fat boy heart. Think of a mini version of Chubs from Teen Wolf. I was that kid. Stick a chocolate bar in my hand while I stood on the court, except I couldn’t afford chocolate. Aww, poor chubs can’t afford a chocolate bar.

People wonder “How are people making it today with our economy in the shape that it’s in, jobless numbers not seen since the 80’s and the Great Depression before that?” I’ll tell you how. Determin-fucking-ation. Plain and simple. You do what you have to do to survive or you roll over and fucking die. You stop buying that frozen pizza and make one from scratch. So you now have 2 pizzas for less or about the same as that frozen disgusting shit. BAM! Hot homemade pizza for cheaper. Some people stop driving and ride a bike or use public transportation.

Public Transportation? What’s that? It’s something you pay for with taxes dude! You’ve already paid for it, so why not use it? There are actually several service afforded to us that we don’t use. “But Nick, what about entertainment? I’m going stir crazy bored over here!” I’ve got you covered dawg! We have this building called a Library. It has books in it, you read them and little movies play in your head. It’s amazing!

I guess it doesn’t seem that bad to me today. I’ve been there done that. I mean I’ve not had heat in the fucking winter. You learn to adapt. It’s what we humans are good at. We’ll survive. That doesn’t mean I don’t think the situation isn’t fucked up, cause it is. My thoughts on that?

Grab your rifle and run out into the street. If you’re the only one, then it isn’t time kids! If you go out into the street and you’re not alone? Party one Wayne, party on Garth!

I Robit, er Robot.

            Growing up I always struggled understanding people. I wanted to be everyone’s friend and I wanted everyone to be my friend in turn. I didn’t understand the politics that came with making friends and honestly I still don’ to this day.

            In High school I had a few of my own friends. Generally I hung out with my brother’s friends. I did have a few “friends” and generally some of them were my friend because I’d usually have the money to buy the pot, or I’d let them tease me by calling me a nigger for liking Black girls or having friends who were Black or because in my heritage I have Black ancestors (waaay back). This story is not about them though; it’s about my inability to really understand people.

            I have an easier time understanding things like KeplarsLaw's of Planetary Motion, or why our orbit would not change if the Sun magically turned into a hunk of rock with the same shape and mass as our Sun or how to take apart just about anything then put it back together. People though, they’re tricky.

            I generally act when I’m around people. I’m not myself to say. There are a few people whom I do act like “me” when they’re around. That’s Patra mostly and my kids sometimes. That’s why I’ll be all about a person for a while, and then I wont or even vice versa. When I have in the past let the “real me” out around people, they get annoyed generally. I can be overbearing and rude. This coupled with my PTSD generally makes me seem like I have heavy shit going on like Aspergers, but I don’t. I’m not smart enough nor am I enough of an asshole (shut it) to have Aspergers.

            Sometimes I wish everyone were a robot. They’re so much easier to deal with. There are no emotions or deceit, nor do I have to empathize with you about whatever it is that’s going on. Don’t get me wrong, I generally DO care about other people’s problems, but they are difficult to deal with as I generally say the wrong things. Emotions! BLARG! As my wife would say “You’re a Robot Nick Jones! You have no feelings!” It’s true, I tend to not deal with emotions as they’re generally negative for me or have negative consequences. My immediate family however is never that case. I have and feel a love for them that is stronger than I have ever felt in my entire life. This is another reason I DON’T HAVE ASPERGERS.

            I’m starting to understand how things work and how I’m supposed to act in situations, but it’s just that. Acting. Maybe that’s why Data was always my favorite in Star Trek the Next Generation?