I Robit, er Robot.

            Growing up I always struggled understanding people. I wanted to be everyone’s friend and I wanted everyone to be my friend in turn. I didn’t understand the politics that came with making friends and honestly I still don’ to this day.

            In High school I had a few of my own friends. Generally I hung out with my brother’s friends. I did have a few “friends” and generally some of them were my friend because I’d usually have the money to buy the pot, or I’d let them tease me by calling me a nigger for liking Black girls or having friends who were Black or because in my heritage I have Black ancestors (waaay back). This story is not about them though; it’s about my inability to really understand people.

            I have an easier time understanding things like KeplarsLaw's of Planetary Motion, or why our orbit would not change if the Sun magically turned into a hunk of rock with the same shape and mass as our Sun or how to take apart just about anything then put it back together. People though, they’re tricky.

            I generally act when I’m around people. I’m not myself to say. There are a few people whom I do act like “me” when they’re around. That’s Patra mostly and my kids sometimes. That’s why I’ll be all about a person for a while, and then I wont or even vice versa. When I have in the past let the “real me” out around people, they get annoyed generally. I can be overbearing and rude. This coupled with my PTSD generally makes me seem like I have heavy shit going on like Aspergers, but I don’t. I’m not smart enough nor am I enough of an asshole (shut it) to have Aspergers.

            Sometimes I wish everyone were a robot. They’re so much easier to deal with. There are no emotions or deceit, nor do I have to empathize with you about whatever it is that’s going on. Don’t get me wrong, I generally DO care about other people’s problems, but they are difficult to deal with as I generally say the wrong things. Emotions! BLARG! As my wife would say “You’re a Robot Nick Jones! You have no feelings!” It’s true, I tend to not deal with emotions as they’re generally negative for me or have negative consequences. My immediate family however is never that case. I have and feel a love for them that is stronger than I have ever felt in my entire life. This is another reason I DON’T HAVE ASPERGERS.

            I’m starting to understand how things work and how I’m supposed to act in situations, but it’s just that. Acting. Maybe that’s why Data was always my favorite in Star Trek the Next Generation?