I’ve never been one for speaking in public. I’ve been an attention getter plenty of times even if I didn’t know what I was doing. I’ve had no problems being in front of a large group of people playing music, but if I have to say something, forget about it. I shake, I sweat, my heart races, I get nervous. I mean, I’d rather be taking fire. That’s easier for me to deal with.
Earlier this year (2011) I had the opportunity to speak for about 2 minutes in front of about 300 or so people for a Mayoral Candidacy question and answer platform that I helped set up. We wrote questions for the candidates etc. and they were asked these questions. As the forum was beginning my instructor introduced the core 4 of us who had basically done a majority of the grunt work for it. We in turn went up and explained either what was going on, the process for elections or why we were even doing this in the first place.
I wasn’t really nervous before hand. I had a script that I’d written and could just read strait from it if I wanted to. I had planned to look up every so often so as to not appear to read strait from the paper. I was even going to make a joke about the speaker before me being the oldest student at the school. I even let him know what I was doing; you know, to be friendly.
So the time comes and we begin taking our turns when I noticed something. My palms were sweating, my stomach was in a not, I was quivering a bit. What, what was this? Wait a minute, wait! This isn’t my PTSD, this is different. Oh shit, it’s my turn to talk, lets do this.
I remember when I got up to the podium I squeaked out a crude “Hello …”. I looked up at the enormous crowd and said to myself Nick ma boy, it was a nice try read from that god damn paper and if you look up so help me I’ll bring out the stuttering and make you forget where your at. So I tucked my head down and read strait from the paper. No one, except my wife; laughed at my joke. I went at a normal rate, spoke up etc everything you’re supposed to do in a public speech EXCEPT LOOK AT THE CROWD! I wimped out and took the easy route.
Fast forward to yesterday. I’m now in a Public Speaking class … and I have to give a speech today. Guess what, I’m even more nervous at that moment then when I was speaking in front of the 300 or so people back in April. Mind you it’s a smallish class of about 20 people, however; 19 of them are under the age of 20 and 10 of those are under the age of 18. I’m having trouble connecting to these kids (literally they’re kids!). I’m like that creepy old guy who’s sitting in the damn corner in the back.
So I wait to go last, dragging my feet as slowly as I could. I get up there look at my note card real quick. I have to speak for at least 2:30 but not more than 3:30. Ok lets do this and bam. I put on my Military uniform (mentally) and I’m kosher. I’m looking around the room, smiling, telling funny jokes; people are laughing at my jokes about being the old creepy guy in the corner. I talk for about 3 minutes, which is a good amount for the assignment. I end up getting an –A on the assignment, which; is much higher than I expected to get.
All the kids are trying to talk to me now about stuff and I’m like, look kid, I’m trying to learn here. I have to pay for my education (actually YOU pay for it, so thanks). You get the point though.
Hey you kids! GET OFF MY LAWN!
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